I chose love instead of anger.

You came to me in the night to say that you had been bitten by a mosquito. I wanted to scold you and remind you that I’d told you to keep your window shut.

But I didn’t.

I got out of bed and we searched your room until we found him and made him no more.

I kissed you good night again, tucked you in and whispered that I loved you.

I didn’t fall back to sleep for hours but nor did you. I heard you tossing and turning just like I was.

 

You came to me in the early hours of the morning to say that you were thirsty. I wanted to tell you angrily to go away because I was sleeping and how could you be so selfish?

But I didn’t.

I gently reminded you that you had a glass next to your bed and that if it was empty, you could fill it from the bathroom tap.

You kissed me goodnight again and told me that you loved me.

I heard you fill your glass and then quietly get yourself back into bed, all by yourself.

 

This morning, you looked at me in horror when we got to school and you discovered that you had forgotten your violin at home. I wanted to shout at you that I’d reminded you three times to put it next to the door so that you would remember it. I wanted to say ‘too bad, you suffer, I don’t care’.

But I didn’t.

I said I’d go back and fetch it in time for your lesson.

You kissed me and said ‘Thank you, Mom’.

You walked off into class and, just before you turned the corner, you looked back at me and blew me a kiss.

 

You cried today when you tripped and scraped your knee on the concrete. I wanted to tell you that ‘of course you tripped, your laces were undone… how many times had I told you not to run with loose laces!’

But I didn’t.

I gently cleaned your wound with a soothing towel and we covered it with a band aid.

You looked at me with your big blue eyes and said that I make everything better.

You were playing a few minutes later, your tears gone and a smile back on your beautiful face. I noticed that your laces were tied.

 

There were these times today, and so many more, when I could have scolded, shouted, reproached or criticized.

But I didn’t.

And, would you know, each time, when I put away the negative feeling, empathy and love came flooding through. Empathy and love filled me and you and we joined together in this beautiful dance of mother and child.

Our hearts feel so much fuller today, mine and yours, because I chose love and cast out anger.

I chose to connect instead of isolate.

I chose to be your mom and not your judge.

Our love grew today because… well… I just didn’t.

And you don’t have to either.

Choose love : The Magic Onions

 

Blessings and magic,

Donni

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Comments

  1. Beautiful.
    sarah recently posted…seeds of dreamingMy Profile

  2. I needed this reminder today. Beautiful.

    • Thank you, Arianne… I needed to write it to remember how much more beautiful life is without anger.
      xo Donni

  3. This is so beautiful! thank you, with the tears in my eyes. such beautiful words! You and your kiddos are so very lucky to have eachother! Wish I could slow down sometime and think! this is such a great reminder! Such gentleness and love! Thank you thank you thank you!
    happy days to you and yours!

    • Thank you, Robin. I was nervous to press ‘publish’ and so nearly saved it as a draft just for me. I’m so glad I shared… we are all on this magical journey together.
      xo Donni

  4. “This beautiful dance of mother and child” And what a beautiful dance it is.
    Thank you for sharing, this is really beautiful, raw and honest. xo

  5. Just wonderful Donni, love will out… cheers Marie

  6. As parents, we need this reminder don’t we? Too often we speak in anger and reproach. Loved the honesty of this post.x

    • Yes, Tina… often, anger comes first and it’s a constant struggle to remember to push it away.
      Thanks for your kind words.
      xo Donni

  7. lovely reminder

  8. Donni,
    Thank you for this post. I needed it. So beautifully written. Now can you just whisper it into a sound file so that I may hear it over and over again in my head??!!

  9. What a heartfelt and honest sharing. I don’t have children of my own yet, but hope to carry this kind of grace when I do. Thanks for finding me at Sprout magazine! I’m so glad to connect with you and look forward to getting to know you more.
    Amanda Fall recently posted…Sprout online magazine: EMERGEMy Profile

    • Hi Amanda. Thank you for your kind words. It’s such a small world… I’ve been following you on Facebook for ages :-)
      I’d love to collaborate with you.
      xo Donni

  10. Shana Rose says:

    Donni,
    This post brings tears to my eyes, inspiration to my throat and heat to my heart. It is a BALM. Thank you for posting it. Thank you for being so specific. Thank you for being honest, slow and present and for putting it in the world to share. My children are 1.5 & 3.5 and these are the actions I want myself to be making, so thank you for being an excellent teacher in the world.
    Shana

    • Hi Shana,
      Thank you for your beautiful words… they bring tears to *my* eyes. I’m so glad I chose to be brave enough to share as it has strengthened my own commitment to choose love.
      Blessings to you,
      Donni

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